Understanding Miscarriage: Emotions

Woman and man holding each other.

Miscarriage is the unplanned end of a pregnancy that happens before you reach 20 weeks. When a miscarriage happens, you’re likely to have a wide range of feelings. Allow yourself to accept how you feel. Only then can you begin to move on.

No one is to blame

Know that you did not cause this to happen. Miscarriage is very common. There is a 15% chance of miscarriage with each pregnancy (after pregnancy has been diagnosed). Miscarriage usually takes place during the first 10 weeks after conception.

Grief takes many forms

Grief may be the first thing you feel, or it may come upon you later. Perhaps you’ll grieve because the future you hoped for is lost. Grief is painful and often lonely. But your miscarriage should become easier to deal with over time.

What you feel is OK

No one can tell you how to respond to your miscarriage. If you have been trying to have a child, this loss may feel overwhelming. Perhaps this was an unplanned pregnancy. That doesn’t mean you won’t feel loss. You know yourself best. It’s OK to feel whatever you feel.

A sense of loss

No matter what you thought about being pregnant, having a miscarriage may cause a sense of loss. You may feel as if something is missing. It’s OK if you can’t describe how you feel. At first, it may be enough just to look inside yourself and feel your emotions.

Partner’s note

Men grieve, too. You may be feeling sad, helpless or frustrated. When you’re struggling with your own feelings, knowing how to help your partner may be hard. But do your best to provide support. The following tips may also help:

  • Be kind to yourself and your partner.

  • Spend time together.

  • Fix a meal or bring dinner home for her.

  • Rent a movie.

  • If you have children, spend extra time with them.